“Fast food conglomerate opening on numerous streets and mall. Reports of health and safety concerns and “odd sightings” abound.”
“Owl Head Video reports record sales of their exclusive takings of The Intruder, a straight-to-VHS horror flick widely applauded as one of the greatest uses of practical effects..”
“The Signal Pines housing market continues to hold stable, despite a particular home reportedly trading hands a “record amount” of times. In other news, local stormy weather seems to have no sign of letting up…”
“Local cassette, VHS and general electronics seller Owl Head Video has issued apology for complaints of distortions, continuity errors and add-ins noticed on various rented tapes. Owner has stated that they do not know the cause of the discrepancies, but are looking into it.”
“Hunting season is upon us in Signal Pines. Experts advise caution, exercise and discretion. A bonding opportunity for all!”